Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Green Team Champions

The Team (most of us...)

The Championship Cup

The MVP Cup

The Video

Friday, September 19, 2008

Sometimes, it's easy being green

It began with a bunch of scrappy kids whose only hope was that they were made with bits of real panther. It was the dream on the breath of four seasons of kickball. It was the vision through the darkest of ill-lit innings. It was the hope of countless players and fans who dared not say it aloud.

Well, you can say it now. The dream is here. We’re wide awake, and our beloved Green Team has won the championship. Pause a moment. Let the words linger. We’re kickball champions.

I don’t think any of us will forget how that big red ball — just a dark gray ball, by that point in the night — looked as it hung in the air after Big kicked it. I don’t think we’ll forget the sound of it hitting that outfielder, invisible in the dark. And I know we’ll never forget the players and fans rushing the field when everyone realized that the ball hadn’t stayed in the fielder’s hands. When we realized we’d done it. When we realized we'd won.

And make no mistake, history was as thick as the clouds on Thursday. “I want retribution,” said longtime Green Team outfielder Amanda Hines before the game. She was referring to the Green Team’s first iteration, the Waltham league’s Middlesex Panthers. That team made it to the tournament championship, only to get shut out 4-0.

It wasn’t easy to pick up the pieces, and we weren’t always sure if the team would make it through. The Panthers regrouped in Somerville as Last Ones Picked for a season that struggled more than had been hoped. They tried again as the Strangers In The Alps, only to be upset early in the tournament. We’ve had to watch star players leave because of scheduling conflicts, we’ve had to console players through injuries, and we’ve had to gawk as players took their tops off or made out with each other as the tequila flowed like wine. It hasn’t always been easy.

And this season wasn’t always a cakewalk, either. Who can forget starting the semifinal game up 2-0 only to fall two runs behind and finally squeaking by in Special Tournament Overtime? Or starting the season 1-for-3, including a 9-run rout by a team that didn’t even know the rules?

Well, the pea-thick fog of history is lifted. As I write this, the sun is a crystal-clear blue and the cool breeze is gently licking the face of my metaphors like a kitten in an Oliver Stone production of Shakespeare. We can put Thursday’s win in the piggy bank and save it for a rainy day.

Then again, maybe this team will be its own rainy day. The Green Team’s heirs, Rainin’ Sideways, have started their season strong with two solid wins. East Cambridge is looking more competitive, but the Ollies are too. One or two players at the post-championship celebration last night even whispered of looking forward to a sweep — off the record of course. And it could happen. A dynasty has to start somewhere.

But sweep or no, repeat champions or no, the Green Team will always savor this night. The night they took their mountainous, last-picked, panther-concocted team and elevated it to the middle of the color spectrum.

Congratulations, Green Team. Dig a hole and go to town — you've earned it.

Yuval “take this ball and” Shavit is a special columnist for the Green Team and spiritual advisor to Boston.com’s Dan Shaughnessy.

Green Team Season Stats

“I’m extremely proud of my team’s offensive production this season,” said Captain Big. “Everybody contributed. I know every single player on the Green Team tried their best and supported their teammates. That’s all I asked for and everything I asked for. The Green Team are champions for this very reason.”

Season MVP Asian had the highest average on the season with .875, though there were a number of kickers who produced at over .800. As a team, the Green team batted well over .500.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Victory for Green Team!!!

The Green Team EnvironMentals played their hearts out on Thursday against the Blue Steel and were awarded with the Summer 2008 MA Patriot Championship.

The home team’s stands were full to see the Green Team’s defense hold against a strong Blue Steel offense. Virtually every player on the team had a chance to prove themselves and all did so.

Memorable plays on the field included Shoukie in the third inning, fielding a bouncing groundball and beating the runner to third for an important force out. Another saw Asian hold on to a tough throw to second and then, thinking quickly, turning to tag out the runner who had overrun her base, cherry picking another key out to stifle a Blue Steel rally.

It was a game of nerves as both teams struggled to find their offensive rhythm. The Green Team plated their first run in the first inning on a bunt RBI by Asian.

Blue Steel replied in the second with a run of their own, tying the game.

The score remained that way going into the fifth inning.

With the meat of the Blue Steel lineup upcoming, Pitcher Big managed to strike out the Steel’s captain and draw a foul out on the following kicker. After a pair of runners reached on well-placed bunts, Big was able to induce a flyout, giving the Green Team a chance to go for glory.

As darkness fell, Angela stepped to the plate and kicked a perfectly-placed bunt down the third base line. Yuval followed her with an equally-effective bunt, putting runners on first and second. Brennan then advanced the runners. Big was then able to take advantage of the darkness and Blue Steel’s centerfielder’s deep position and bring Angela home where the Green Team mobbed her.

After an arduous season, the Champion Green Team rocked Harvard Square as they had all season.

“I couldn’t be prouder of these guys,” gushed a tearful Captain Big. “The road was long and hard, but throughout it all we remained strong and confident. Above all, however, we had a great time and hope people had a great time alongside us.”

Friday, September 12, 2008

EnvironMentals survive nail biter, advance to 2008 Patriot Summer Division Finals

The Green Team advanced to the 2008 Patriot Summer Division Finals on Thursday with an extra-inning victory over the Gym Class Heroes.

“It’s a good feeling, being back in the Finals three seasons after our last appearance,” said third baseman BK. “Ever since our first season with the MiddleSex Panthers, we’ve been champing at the bit for another shot at the title. Now’s our chance.”

The EnvironMentals had to fight for their second chance, however, as the Gym Class Heroes proved to be more-than-worthy adversaries.

The Green Team beat a shorthanded Heroes squad handily during the regular season, so they came into Thursday’s match confident but knowing that the Maroon Middleschoolers weren’t just going to hand the Finals bid to them on a platter.

The game started well as the away Green Team managed to plate a pair of important runs in the top of the first inning with a well-placed infield single by Leigh.

The Green Team defense showed up as well, blanking the Heroes in the first inning and getting Big out of a jam in the second, allowing only one run.

In the third inning, however, the wheels fell off and the Heroes managed three big runs, taking a two-run lead going into the latter half of the game.

Though the situation looked bleak, the EnvironMentals never lost hope.

“My favorite part about our team is that they never shut up,” beamed Eric. “Our cheers are always positive and, for the younger fans, often educational!”

Despite the third inning lapse, the Green Team’s defense held strong in the fourth, which gave the offense a chance.

In the next inning that chance bore fruit. The Heroes’ defense left the door open just wide enough to allow two Green Team runs as Asian brought home BK and Leigh kicked in her third RBI of the game which turned out to be the biggest play of her kickball career.

When the Heroes’ pitcher forced a pop-out ending the top of the fifth, all the pressure landed squarely on the defense’s shoulders again.

Fans of the EnvironMentals quickly had their heart rates tested as a double and a walk put two runners on with no outs. The pitcher, however, redeemed the walk with a rare strike out.

But the play of the inning, that kept the Green Team’s hopes for kickball glory alive, went to Beastwood. With two outs and the Gym Class Heroes’ winning run only 20 steps away, the Beast came up big, going to ground after a spinning ball at first base. Then, in a move that seemed to involve him spontaneously mutating a second knee, he was able to get the force out at first in front of the speedy runner, ending the inning.

In the waning twilight, the team captains agreed to attempt to get a full tournament overtime inning in before calling the game and resorting to Rochambeau to decide the winner.

With the stragglers from the field two game watching on, the Heroes took the field under tournament overtime rules: Eight field players allowed (four girls and four boys) with the last out of the Top of the fifth starting at second base.

This left Pete in scoring position to start the sixth inning. The offense did what they needed to do and brought Pete home with Zach kicking the all-important RBI that gave the EnvironMentals the lead for the first time since the third inning.

As darkness set in, the EnvironMental’s hastily assembled eight man field arranged themselves with set shoulders and gritted teeth.

Pitching to a kicker the fielders almost couldn’t see Big gave up a bunt single, holding the ball for fear of allowing the runner at second to come around home. The Heroes, playing smart, then bunted the bases full with no outs.

A little bit of luck led to a four foul out. Then, coming back from being three balls behind the Heroes’ kicker, Big forced a pop up to second base. Normally a relatively easy play, the ball disappeared into the ink leaving every EnvironMental’s heart in their throat.

However, BK ranged in, found the ball through the darkness and made the catch, then had the presence of mind to step on second, leaving the overeager runner hung out to dry between second and third.

The game-ending double play was indicative of the quality of play and composure of spirit that represented Green Team kickball throughout the season. BK’s Game MVP award was well-deserved.

After an emotional and suprisingly-complicated post game cheer, the Green Team gratefully made their way to the bar.

“I’ve never been so spent after a kickball game,” Eric wheezed as he limped off the field.

“Hee hee ha ha hoo ha!” jibbered* Asian alongside him.

The only tarnish on what was a fairytale night was the knowledge that it was the last game in green for Leigh “Tangerine” (it’s a lifestyle) and Catie “FBJ”.

“We’re going to miss them,” sobbed Big. “They’re my favorite Tangerine and FBJ ever.”

Catie, at least, can rest secure in the knowledge that she’ll be getting her kickball fix on Wednesdays with the newly launched East Cambridge Raining Sideways.

Tangerine is expected to join the Ollies’ booster club and come to a game in East Cambridge equipped with a sign because kickball, like Tangerine, is a lifestyle.

* Translated from “Chinese-y”: “Yay! We won! We go to final!”

Thursday, September 4, 2008

EnvironMentals Rumble Into the Semi-Finals

The Green Team were fast out of the gate as the first five runners scored in the bottom of the first inning of Thursday’s playoff game. Two more in the second and some merciless defense were enough to put the Machine on their heels through the rest of the game.

The first-seed EnvironMentals were more than a match for the Spanking Machine with strong play and team spirit that Captain Eric is hoping will carry the team through to the finals.

“Today was a sign of what we can do when the pressure is on,” he gushed, clearly excited by the 80s cover band. “I think this is the team has what it takes. I’ve seen them put it together on the field and off. When a team gathers together to salute their underpants, you just know you’ve got something special.”

Game MVP Brow was equally excited but, having already had a half a glass of vodka tonic, was unintelligible by the time reporters could corner him at the bar.

The EnvironMentals are pumped for next week’s festivities as they look to close out the season with the championship in their hands. It’s a great time to be a Green Team fan.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Sweet Revenge as EnvironMentals Sour the Cider

The Green Team handed division rivals Gettin' Cider a satisfying thumping in a darkness-shortened game on Thursday.

It was a quick turnaround from the Wednesday night victory over Blue Steel, and some wondered if they would have the energy to put in a strong showing against the hardened Gettin' Cider side.

However, the EnvironMentals fed off of the frustration from their last game against the Cider and came on strong with offense in every inning and equal defense throughout the match.

The teams played hurry-up kickball as they sought to get in the required three innings before it became too dark to play safely. Seven runs through the first three innings with key RBIs by BK, Kellen, Erin and Will gave the Green Team a comfortable lead as they took field on defense.

As it became difficult to see in the fourth inning, Gettin' Cider put runners on base that had the Green Team feeling déjà vous after the previous night’s late game breakdown.

However, a key catch by first baseman Colin in the twilight put the final nail in the coffin.

As satisfying as this victory was for the Green Team, the focus has quickly turned to the post season as the EnvironMentals find themselves in first place at the end of the regular season.

“We’re pumped,” said Captain Eric, pumping his fist for emphasis. “We’re gonna ride this crazy train all the way to the end!”

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Green Team Holds Off Upstart Blue Steel

The Green Team had a strong showing on Wednesday at the alternate Somerville field as the EnvironMentals turned up to play under the lights.

The team adapted quickly to the new location jumping out to an early 3-0 lead as eventual game MVP BK managed another of his signature multi-RBI dink kicks.

The game quieted down, then, as both teams buckled down, showing their defensive strengths, Blue Steel’s first baseman even sacrificing the elasticity of his groin on one play that had everybody wincing.

Things heated up in the latter half, however, as both teams finally broke through. It started in the top of the fourth with an RBI single by B-Nuts followed by a grand slam by Big. Leigh helped tack on another run in the top of the fifth and the Green Team had what they thought was a comfortable lead going into the bottom of the final inning.

The EnvironMentals’ defense was sorely tested however, as the Blue Steel Abidigionals staged a spirited rally that brought the lead within two before the Green Team’s defense finally made the third out.

“It was a bit nerve-wracking there for a while,” said Co-Captain Amanda. “But we held on strong and managed to put the game to bed before they could upset us. Four in a row, baby!”

The Green Team is looking to carry the momentum of this win into tomorrow night when they get their second shot at Getting' Cider, one of only two teams this season to hand them a loss.

Friday, August 22, 2008

EnvironMentals Paddle Spanking Machine

The Green Team went into Thursday’s game against the Purple-shirted Spanking Machine with one thought in mind: “Please, please let us play all five innings tonight… and where are Lisa’s socks??”

With fan section numbering in the one-and-a-halfs (Leigh’s Mom and Ian’s baby), the EnvironMentals took the field with resolve, confidence and a slight burning sensation.

Things started off well as they scored four runs in the first inning with RBIs by Eric, Amanda and Brennan.

Things got a bit frantic in the bottom of the inning as the Spankers managed to answer with four runs of their own, though the Green Team’s defense walked off the field at the end of the inning happy to kept their opponents from taking a lead.

The final three innings saw the Green Team manage to plate four more runs while holding the Machine to only one. Big RBIs by Will, Seamus, Karen and Amanda (again) allowed the Green Team to walk away from this game with their heads held high (along with the infant).

Newly minted American Citizen Yuval was awarded Game MVP for a stellar performance on the base paths and his ability to remember ALL of the Pledge of Allegiance.

For the second week in a row, however, the EnvironMentals are sad to see the last of some players as third base phenom Jen and utility veteran Elaine as they go back to school and take on Needham’s musical theater (respectively). The Green Team was also sad to learn that Meghan has tendered her resignation due to a tender leg which “just hasn’t been right” since last season.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Green Team sends Summer School Warriors back to class

The venue for Thursday’s game was changed at the last minute due to the sudden appearance of Lake Okeechobee over Field 1’s home plate. The game was, instead, played on the mythical “Field 3a”. As a result, your humble author, Munter S. Bombson (“S” is for “Skadoosh!”), didn’t make it to the game… but here is what he HEARD.

The game started out slow as both pitchers adjusted to the new field. EnvironMental’s pitcher Eric even walked a better, drawing out pitching coach/third baseman BK, who was overheard imploring: “Please stop SUCKING!”

The Green Team’s offense, while a bit slow out of the gate, managed to put up five runs over four innings, with key RBIs by Jen, Pete, and Erin.

Five was enough, however as, despite the pitcher’s struggles, the Green Team’s defense managed to stymie (yes, stymie) the Warriors’ offense.

Game MVP Zack had two spectacular snags to his left at second base which saved more than one run. First basemen Jen managed to catch a ball, then drop it, then slip in the mud and land on her nose… which isn’t really “good”, per say, but was funny enough to watch that it was definitely worth mentioning.

All in all, it was a satisfying win for the up and coming Green Team. Looking forward to next week! They’re sad, however, to be seeing the last of star shortstop Shoukie, who is leaving the team for Cape Cod.

Monday, August 11, 2008

EnvironMentals Victorious

After an extremely tough outing last week, the Green Team came back strong on Thursday with an 11-5 victory over the infamous Gym Class Heroes.

“It felt good to get up to the plate again,” said second baseman Amanda, who was out of the country last week. “Sometimes it’s just good to be able get out there and put your foot on some balls.” Amanda went 2 for 2 with a pair of runs in the game.

Offensively, the EnvironMentals had a big day. Game MVP Beastwood uncorked a moonshot homerun in the first inning that brought in three runs, then smacked a two run double in the third.

Captain Big won’t shut up about his kick in the third inning which found a hole in the Heroes’ outfield but bounced off the back of the other game’s centerfielder, taking away a homerun and leaving Big with a 2 run double. He would like every one to know that “This is the second time this’s happn’d t’me![sic] The kickball fairy hates me!”

Other players who knocked in RBIs were Jen (“The Roman”), Catie (“FBJ”) and Ray (“The Ray” or “Scooter”).

On the other side of the plate, the Green Team held tough and helped their pitcher get out of a few jams, which was nice, since he put himself in most of them. (e.g. Throwing away an easy force out at first by aiming his toss at the first base COACH instead of the first baseMAN… WHY???)

Colin muscled through an ankle dismemberment he suffered in warmups when he stepped in a gofer hole whilst being inexplicably railroaded by Amanda to hold down the fort in center field.

Winner of the “Most-spectacular-running-diving-tumbling-catch-that-didn’t-count-‘cuz-it-was-a-dead-ball-off-the-tree” award goes to left fielder Will who showed he’s not afraid to get his uniform dirty.

Things got a bit hairy in the fourth inning when the Heroes’ first kicker booted a double that put a hole in the ball. The Heroes’ next kicker reached on a smartly placed bunt. Pitcher Eric then left a meatball over the plate (“It was the new ball! It was too big! – that’s what she said -- AND it was wet – that’s what she sa- aw forget it…”) for the Heroes’ pitcher/kicker/all-star who deposited the ball in the other field’s (now vacant) center field and was able to touch ‘em all. The team looked to their mascot/baby for inspiration and held on through the rest of the inning and was able to eventually close out the win.

As the light waned, the two teams agreed to call the game after the fourth inning in order to give the subsequent game a fighting chance at playing.

Both teams then made their way to the bar and, after some post game munchies, faced off across the flip cup table where, again, the Green Team dominated early, before dropping a few games in a row. Again, however, they finished strong with a win to maintain their beer drinking and cup flipping egos.

The Green Team’s current mood is exuberant.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Gettin' Cider Leaves the Green Team Seeing Red

The Green Team suffered only their second loss of the season Thursday in a tough loss against the vocal and rainbow-draped Gettin' Cider squad.

“They got in our heads,” sagged interim captain Brow. “We let them get to us and it hurt us.”

Some creative protests by the Rainbow Brites and some adventurous reffing by the game officials left the EnvironMentals miffed.

But a game that most of the Green Team might prefer to forget was not without its bright points.

Game MVP Jen showed some spark on the mound. Everybody got a foot on the ball as well, with a high percentage of baserunners.

Gettin' Cider are the Green Team’s double dip this season, so the EnvironMentals will be looking forward to their second chance on August 28th.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Extra Base Rule

The Summer Patriot Division is officially instituting the "Extra Base" rule in order to prevent any (further) injuries as players run for first base. The rule is laid out below. Along with a lovely Paint picture made by me.

WAKA Official Rule Revision 1/2008

1.06 - Optional Extra Base
a. Fielders trying to make an out on first base must touch the base to the inside of the cone (first base). Runners hindered by a fielder touching the Extra Base will be safe.

b. Runners not attempting to advance to second base and touching the first base will be out.

c. If no fielder is on first base, and/or the runner is attempting to advance to second base, the runner may touch first base.

d. The Extra Base is only available for runners traveling from home plate.

e. Once a runner has reached first base safely the runner may not stand on or touch the Extra Base. Any runner doing so will be out.

f. No additional base may be used at any other base.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Fozzies roll over the Green Team

The Green Team suffered its first defeat of the young Summer Patriot season on Thursday, falling to the upstart Fozzies, 6-4.

It was a tough loss for the EnvironMentals who went into the game confident after last week’s rout.

The first two innings were quiet, with the Green Team posting runs in each. In the fourth inning, however, as the Fozzies’ kickers got their second look at the Green Team’s pitcher, the light blue’s offense took off. Through strong bunting and some bad bounces, the blue team managed to bring home 5 runners, snagging the lead from the shell-shocked Green Team.

“It was crazy,” said a dazed Captain Eric, who had two errors in the inning. “I feel like Dan Uggla in the All-Star game. The ball was spinning. It was spinning!”

There was sunshine in the storm however, as the Green Team still managed to muster their patented spirit (loud, enthusiastic and slightly offensive), scoring two runs in the bottom of the fifth to make it close.

The game ended however, on a comeback line drive that the Fozzies pitcher held on to, though he is very probably sterile now.

Second baseman Elaine, who took the field with a bum GI tract, showed a lot of gumption as she managed to hang onto a line drive with only her elbows and her ovaries. On the base paths, a spectacular dive back to first to avoid being doubled up left Elaine with the dirtiest uniform on the team. These efforts earned this spunky player the vaunted Green Team MVP Cup™ for the day.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

The WAKA Strike Zone

The more you know... And knowing is half the battle

Friday, July 11, 2008

Quick Out of the Gate

The Green Team started the season off right with a convincing win over the underdog Green Monsters on Thursday. The 9-0 score was a huge morale boost to the team which, despite a hard-fought match, went down in the first round of playoffs last season.

Offensively, the EnvironMentals (I just made that up) flexed some offensive muscle (no, not that muscle) in the first inning, plating seven runs. RBIs by BK, Jen, Pete, Elaine and Eric helped the Green Team climb through nearly half of the kicking order in a single inning.

Pete had the boomshot of the game. Drawing on the power of his newly minted (and storied) tattoo, the storm chaser found a gap in right center for a bases clearing triple. His fifth inning line drive snag cemented him as top choice for the season’s inaugural Green Team Game MVP.

The Green Team showed their continuing improvements in the field with solid defense that stymied the green Green Monsters. With strong play all around the infield and effective pitching, the outfielders didn’t have much to do as the number of Green Monster runners who reached could be counted on one hand that’s been too close to a cherry bomb.

After the game, a large contingent of the Green Team made it to the bar where they managed to get an L-shaped flip cup competition going against the Green Monsters, who were looking for retribution. Revenge was not to be had, however, as experience proved the master of innocence as the EnvironMental crazy train kept on rolling.

The night ended on high note for all teams involved, however, as an unprecedented full bar flip cup race brought no less than five teams together in raucous competition. All in all, a good start to the season.

Kickball Mythology #1: The Zeno’s Theory in Relation to the Hot Corner.

Few legends on the kickball diamond are more bragged about, less confirmed and lesser still seen. It’s the mythological gunning down of a runner from Third Base to first for the force play.

When a kickball team makes an assessment of where it needs to do some housekeeping, this tends to be the final piece to a perennially unfinished puzzle. One of the reasons is the traditional role of the third baseman. The job primarily is to run down errant bunts with enough time to bee sting them in the back of the skull, allowing the run to take his base, but warning him that if he values his family, he won’t pull that bullshit again.

For a ball to make it to him with enough time to allow for a chance at the throw, one of the following three things would have to occur:

1. An aborted bunt. This is generally the “putt” that should have drained a hole somewhere between the mound and the foul line, halfway between the third and the catcher. These people are generally the reason bunts are frowned upon. If you’re leading off more power to you, as I’ve said the throws almost impossible, but chances are you’re an ass and just sacrificed your lead runner, potentially turning a double play. Slick move asshole.

2. This was supposed to be a foul. It’s a late game inning 12 and it’s the only pitcher they have. Like every smart kickballer you’re loading up the count and giving the pitcher rotator cuff muscular degeneration so that he bowls them over the plate like he’s Norm Duke for the rest of the season. Instead you launch one right to third and all the walks you’ve accumulated prior are likely lost in a similar situation seen above. Who brought this guy?

3. You went for the frozen rope. Seriously, you went for the opposing field and ended up getting it to third? You’re either drunk or kicked it with the wrong foot. You ought to be laughed off the diamond, and you’re not to be allowed to forget it. Fail.

But lets say our glorious Anti-hero manages to achieve one of these points of brilliance. He’s got a who battery of physics laws on his side that will pull him from the jaws of alcoholism and thrust him into the bungling hero role of every Brendan Frasier film.

In order for a third baseman to make this play a few things would have had to happen in order for the concoction to be viable. (I love lists)

1. He was sleeping on the job. If you were coming off the line like you were coming out of starting blocks you’d have taken this one in the teeth and the runner would be on second by the time they’d given you the salt tabs. Thanks for being lazy but hey, you’re setting your self up for the kickball Valhalla so I can’t discredit you too much.

2. You have to have a trajectory of a 45 degree thrust behind a standard 15 foot distance. Because the kickball field is played outside of a vacuum and with gravity factored in, my math might be off and I cannot be held accountable. Basically the force required to do this exceeds of funding by which to purchase steroids. Also, we heard the Blue Team demands piss tests every time their defeated. This is not specific to a team, its every team with blue shirts. Their inherently jerks and sore losers. While blue is not the catalyst for this factor, WAKA officials do some preliminary work and assign blue to the team most likely to follow suit so that insiders know when they have to lay off the juice.

3. IF #2 was difficult, #3 might be the cosmic congruence one needs to make the entire project possible. The first baseman must be several things (sublist!):

a. The little train that could. They don’t only believe this shit could happen, it will happen.

b. Golden Glove. Given the force required to get the damn thing there, your first baseman is going to need paws of carbonized steel to grab it. Being that the league is in Boston, this usually garners the First Baseman with the nickname “lobster claws” for the subsequent game or until he drops one of these throws. You can’t make this stuff up folks. Its truth.

c. Must have like-minded Q-waves. There must exist a telepathy between the corners that would allow for such a mathematically improbable set of circumstances to come together like the Beatles in ’69.

This brings us to the Lore behind this throw. Much like El Dorado and the hammer of Thor, the making of/and being witness to this throw is buried is hyperbolic legends of our Kickball ancestry. Not to get all AED on you but the first known origin of the throw is documented in the 1664 novel A Midafternoon Occurrence in which one of the characters, Phineus Sanders “threw with such a mighty toss that all those standing about the chalk line would have their moustaches curl from the breeze.” The origin of “lobster claws” and the acclaim given to the first baseman are not known but are believed to be much later in the public lexicon.

The throw today still exists and a “series of unfortunate events” and is written into the third basemans job contract many times as a tongue in cheek requirement or utilized as a fluffed up reason to put otherwise poor fielders on the bench. (Sorry, we need someone out there who can make the throw to first). The legend carries on and is the single most championed line by drunkards and charlatans alike, leading to the creation and retort of “if he can make the hot corner throw, I can shit unicorns”

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

The Schedule

Ladies and gentlemen, I present your Green Team 2008 Summer Patriot Division schedule.

Click for the full size.

* Thanks to Chris and Pete for helping me shake the rust off my HTML skillz.
** Thanks to Brennan for being of absolutely no help at all.

*** Thanks to Blogger for not letting me post my wicked cool HTML table that was much better than this screenshot of an Excel sheet.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Fabulous footwear

The socks arrived today. They're gloriously green.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Green means Go!

Green Team, the newest edition to the WAKA Patriot Summer Division, announced the start of their 2008 campaign to win the division this morning.

Manager and Captain Eric Pierce was on hand to share his thoughts on the season.

“I’ve got a good feeling about this bunch. Most of them were with me in my last job with the [Strangers in the Alps] and I’m proud as hell to have them with me still. In addition, though, we’ve signed a few free agents this season that I really think are going to be strong contributors on the field and in the public house.”

When asked about his coaching style, the manager was confident.

“Everybody plays. Everybody. We didn’t pay much [anything] for these guys’ contracts, so we’re going to get the most out of our money.

“The key is to find their strengths and identify their weaknesses. I’ve got a girl who’s surprisingly athletic. I’ve got a guy who’s a crazy shuffler. We’ve got speed and agility. We’ve got heart and enthusiasm. This team is the complete package.”

Captain Eric was his usual tight-lipped self when asked about his strategy, but after a few beers, not surprisingly, he became a bit chattier.

“I’m not gonna lie, I’m building on last season’s strategy. But I’m also adopting some of the ideals of our namesake, the Funny or Die Green Team. For instance, after July 10, I’m instituting a team diet of day old bakery goods and power bars wrapped in biodegradable napkins --I’m ordering them in bulk.”

It’s looking like an exciting summer on the Common this summer for the Green Team and its fans. As you wait for July 10, however, take a look at the video, nay, the film from which the Green Team’s name is derived, which offered Captain Eric and his teammates inspiration that will surely lead them to glory and success this season.